Hell's Bells S.E.I: Back in Black (Gates of Hell OPEN)

by **The Stalker** » Fri Sep 25, 2015 2:07 pm

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

September 25th, 2015
Issue X. A King Dust Demon

Index
I. Hell Interviews The Stalker
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Easter Eggs, Part 3
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. The Devil Made Me Do It

Hell Interviews The Stalker

1. Theistic Luciferia: You've created an entire new Hell based on the writings in Dante's Inferno, Dealt with minor quarrels and uprisings, and at the same time managed a plethora of new programs in Hell to include a Newspaper, Constant Polls, and a Devilishly Delightful Radio Program, with all this during the past year, do you have any plans for the upcoming year?

I always have many ideas and plans in the works, several on the back burner currently, many factors that will affect what plans may come to fruition. Particularly in regards to whether the new features ever get implemented.

Expanding the Kingdom and general growth will be my focus as always, possibly getting an official Hellion army established should we get to that point. For the foreseeable future I plan to maintain all these existing programs, and Hell's Bells will continue to be a major focus point for the region. Largely I believe the creation of Hell's Bells now with ten issues and many more to come as one of Hell's greatest accomplishments and unmatched collaborative effort Hell has never shown before.

2. Buer the Demon: Are you truly mad, or just cunning? or perhaps that is a reference to Hell as a madhouse?

It's an awful cliché, but the insane artist is the roll I most often play. The truthful answer is yes to all three. I am the Mad King because I exist at paradoxical extremes that noticeable conflict at times in a delightfully maddening way. I traveled here from this place called wonderland where this b*tch Queen in red stole my hat and flung me across dimensions to a past life where I united the seven kingdoms of Westeros forging the Iron Throne till going mad and getting murdered, sending me to Hell. It may also be all the communing with spirits to perform dark magic to curse my foes and provide Hell with a protection spell that's slowly driving me mad.

No but really i'm totally sane and would never talk to myself or make wild claims out of nowhere.

3. The Stalker: Isn't it true that during the Nazi occupation of Hell you called in a favor from your network to have a double agent in Nazi Europe appear to have taken the region back as a false flag operation designed to further unite the left, imperialists, and raiders alike against Nazis while simultaneously tricking the Nazis into leaving Hell in false hopes to regain their homeland, all while being unable to reveal any of this to not blow the double agents cover at the time?

I'd believe it.

4. Cynical Alcoholics: If you could interview yourself when you first joined Nationstates, would you see yourself still playing a prominent role in the game so many years later?

No way, when I started way back in 2003, I bumbling around this game awhile. To think i'd still be playing in 2015 or have such prominent role isn't anything I could have ever fathomed. When I first started playing I played with a number of kids from my neighborhood, some i'm still in contact with who are impressed with how long i've stuck with the game and all i've done over the years. Time has taught me a lot, and it's lessons have allowed me to accomplish much, being the King of Hell and running one of the most popular newspapers is truly a highlight of my years on NS. As for what the future may hold, I can't say for sure, but I expect to be in this game for many years to come, could be playing another 10 years.

Eternally I shall endure.

5. Buer the Demon: I assume you at least occasionally get telegrams from trolls/flamers/fundamentalists; what would you like to say to them all?

Haha, yes you'd be surprised how often someone will telegram me as if I am literally the devil.

I generally take the sympathy for the Devil approach, here are two fun examples of back and forth's I've had! (I'm going to give the senders an alias and not use their real nation name)

6. Cynical Alcoholics: Would you prefer to fight a horse-sized duck, or 1,000 duck-sized horses?

Go home Cynical Alcoholics, your drunk.

Obviously I'd take the horsed-sized duck, even at that size a duck would be more venerable at the neck and far easier to trip up, while a swarm of tiny horses would overwhelm you quick and even small their kicks and bite would hurt. Boomed, I just logiced his question so hard, I clearly won this theoretical fight.

Closing Remarks
It has been a pleasure to have served Hell for over a year consecutively as WA Delegate and King. Together we've already accomplished a lot, establishing our regional newspaper Hell's Bell, keeping Hell raid-free longer than it has been in years, and after years of conflict we truly have a Kingdom of damnation more unified and stronger than ever before.

But it is not enough! There is still much more to come, our Kingdom is but a seed of what's to come. We shall spread the gospel of Inferno and through black magic raise our demonic armies to one day overwhelm all of NationStates and make them kneel before the crown.

The world is a mess and I just need to rule it.

Spotlight News
Article by, The Stalker

The Greater German Reich Invaded!!

A coalitions of leftist, raiders, among others lead by The Red Fleet took over September 24th shortly after TGGR founder had cease to exist. As one of the Nazi regions to foolishly invade Hell over a year back, it just goes to show what goes around comes around. Our hats off to all those involved, and we a credit the satanic curse we placed on the Nazis for this glorious twist of fate.

For more info catch the RED + BLACK article.

The History of Hell Edition 4.0 complete!

>>The History of Hell Edition 4.0<<
Last updated over a year ago, Edition 4.0 is updated to present outlining major events of the Kingdom of Hell over this year, along with a number of more details on Hell's past overall.

ILLUMINATION SPELL OF THE SEEKER
By, Theistic Luciferia

The Perception of the Serpent’s Mind who in the Dream of the Celestial and Infernal shall walk between the Worlds…

Unto the Angelic Soul and fiery essence of the serpent, who comes as shadow but is revealed as Light.

I charge thee to open the gates of Hell to those who are of its blood – one who may take the knowledge of the ages – in the in-between worlds of dreams do come forth, that the seeker shall be transformed in new shadow to the presence of the Emerald Light.

I charge thee to guard this knowledge by the dreams of those unwilling to grow and become in the Light of the Serpent-Angel.

By Air and Dream we enter the Circle.

(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact [nation=short]The Stalker[/nation] for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,
How do I best exact revenge on Theistic Luciferia for totally plagiarizing my list of genres of music in the previous issue of Hells Bells?
--Your friend Buer

Buer,
I dunno. Maybe return the favor. Change your name to “The ghost from 666BC of Theistic Buer the Demon.” Copy his flag. Change your currency and religion to what ever Luciferia uses.
Or challenge him to a duel. Chainsaws, maybe. Yeah. Chainsaws.

Fredd
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I chose a policy a while back that took my economy from being at 99% to a 0. It was stated that it was kind of like the North Korea issue, so i don't think it' symbol fault, i think I'm just sanctioned. Do you know of any way to get my economy back?
- not Kim Jung Un

NKJU,
Not sure. I just make sure every decision I make on the issues is pro-business, and/or stifles personal and political freedoms. I guess you could try to be uber pro-business. Or you're just screwed.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Easter Eggs, Part 3
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George

#080: Easter Egg: Aliens Wish Peace/Trade Agreement

The Issue
Aliens have landed in the fieds of @@NAME@@ and they wish to trade and have peace.

The Debate
1. "Take us to your kneader!" says @@RANDOMNAME_REVERSED@@, alien lawyer. "We have heard wonders of @@NAME@@'s pizza, and must have it. We are certain that a valuable trade route can be set up between our peoples. You could have our first born, for example." Your Secretary of Trade is shocked, "First Born?! That's slavery!" but quickly calms down upon discovery that their young are considered a great delicacy there. "You know, maybe we should open up trade with them?"

2. The Coalition of No ETs wants you to stay out of this. @@RANDOMNAME@@ says "Them darn aliens thingies are going to take advantage of the situation an kill us all! You must ban all trade with them. If they want my cattle, it will be over my dead body!"

Trigger: Conventional wisdom: "produce a whole heck of a lot of pizza." When we last had the WA ranking of largest Pizza Delivery Sector, I asked the top 10 nations if they’d ever had this EE and none remembered having it. The nations I’ve seen have this have not necessarily had Pizza Delivery as their largest industrial sector. There aren’t many pizza-related issues and there’s no clear path to making Pizza Delivery your #1 industry, even if that were the trigger, which it apparently is not, at least not by itself.

If you choose option 1, you will get delivery calls from Saturn and conceivably a small bump in your Economy. Option 2 is for the (literally) xenophobes among us and I don’t recall ever seeing someone answer it this way.

#256: Easter Egg: Suburbs Are Out Of This World

The Issue
High crime rates have made the inner cities of @ Nation@@'s largest conurbations increasingly dangerous and undesirable places to live. The mass exodus of the middle class from city centers has escalated to the extent that the suburbs and exurbs of major cities are beginning to collide, leaving no land for expansion. In response, a group of well-to-do soccer moms are petitioning the government for funds to establish white-collar living space... on the Moon.

The Debate
1. "Crime is perpetually increasing," says Chastity Elizabeth Prescott as she adjusts the sweater tied like a cape over her shoulders. "Just yesterday my little John Alexander Stuart's after-school Bigtopianese tutor was attacked by a gang of hoodlums! Our children deserve safe housing and exactly manicured lawns no greater than two inches in grass blade height! With a sufficient colonization effort, we can commute from communities on the Moon to the industries in our big cities. You must support this--think of the children!"

2. "Rockets?!" shrieks noted bleeding heart Sunflower Earthchild Starbeam, pulling her knit cap more closely over her ears. "Think of the pollution, and the danger! What if there's an accident? This cockamamie scheme must clearly be banned! And you thought cars were bad- wait! Cars ARE bad!"

3. "Everyone knows urban blight is caused by the flight of capital to the suburbs and exurbs," notes the prominent left-wing economist Engelbert Pinquo. "Running away to the Moon will solve nothing. Capital, and those who have it, must be brought back to the inner city... by force if need be."

4. "Stone the crows! We're trapped between hippies, communists and soccer moms," grumbles Vice Admiral Freddy Broadside. "We need breathing room, and everyone knows there ain't no air on the Moon! So let's get it the old-fashioned way - by invading our neighbors! Outpost Uber Alles will fall to the might of @ Nation@@!"

Trigger: Crippling Crime Rate (perhaps continuously for as long as a year).

I’m not a big fan of this EE. Option 1 conceivably adds some pollution to your environment and possibly increases your tax rate. Option 2 appears to be an anti-Economy option. Option 3 is clearly the low freedoms option. Option 4 is the bellicose option. So if you’re an environment-loving, Economy-loving, freedoms-loving, and peace-loving nation, there doesn’t appear to be much for you here. I have usually dismissed it; if you want to have another EE added to your total, I’d choose option 1, unless one of the other options fits your nation’s POV.

Artwork of the Damned
"Gone Fishing"
12x9 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

The Devil Made Me Do It
Article by, Zen Beatitudes

“How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of Dawn! How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ But you are brought down to Sheol, to the far reaches of the pit" -Isaiah 14:12-15

Most of us have grown up with the now traditional idea of who Satan was, but one of the interesting problems we have these days is the disconnection of our present beliefs with their history. Satan was not always in caps, and the very concept of archetypal evil can be said not to have originated with Christianity at all. As with many Pagan observances, it was integrated for the better dissemination of the new religion. During the formative years of Christianity, it was not the dogmatic straightjacket we see today, but rather a living breathing concept that was influenced by the ideas and thoughts from other cultures.

In the Hebrew texts of the Old Testament, the word is translated as 'the' satan, and originally meant something put in the way of someone. A satan was a divinely appointed opponent sent to test the faithful; an agent of Jaweh assigned to the task of Adversary. This is the starting point for the name and concept that by the middle ages, would be the sanction for some of the most abhorrent acts ever carried out in the name of a god in the history of our race.

The roughly 400 years of the inter-Testement period sees the least recorded yet the most activity in terms of evolving beliefs in the middle east and Levant. During this time we have the Hebrews enslaved by the Babylonians, where they would have been exposed to the cosmic dualism of Zoroastrianism, at odds with the previous concept of Jaweh as the creator of all that was evil as well as good. This period also sees Judea ruled by a succession of cultures, all of which would leave imprints on the religious development of the area. After the Babylonian captivity Judea was ruled in turn by the Persians, the Greeks, the Egyptians, the Syrians, and the Romans, with a brief period of self-rule under the Hasmoneans. From among these varying cosmologically influenced beliefs in opposition to traditional rabbinic Jewish beliefs, the idea of Satan as an evil being and his fall from heaven would develop.

Crucially, we also have the translation of the Old Testament from Hebrew into Greek. The Septuagint is thought to have been the text used by early Christians- the translators (allegedly 70/2 rabbis) also changed the emphasis of certain concepts and phrases, an unavoidable consequence of the process but one in which contemporary concepts would influence the interpretation of traditional scripture. The Septuagint is rejected as canonical by Jewish authorities, but seems to have heavily influenced Jewish culture nonetheless, and thus early Christians. It is here that Satan begins to formally acquire the capital 's'.

The New Testament then takes 400 odd years of theological percolation and distils it into a much more vivid conceptual tableaux. Angelic and Demonic beings are accepted as existing, and often Satan is referred to as the devil, translated from the Greek word diablos, meaning liar, confuser, and slanderous accuser (in line with the original meaning). This grows more and more strident culminating in the Book of Revelation where Satan is not just sporting a capital 'S', but opposing all that is good in the world and seeking utter dominion over the human soul; he now has bat wings and talons.

Early church fathers, including Origen Adamantius and Augustine also promoted the idea that the devil was envious not only of humans, but also envious of God which resulted in his fall from Heaven and the desire to deceive and capture weak souls to his servitude. This concept was over time molded into a tool to control society by an institution that hundreds of years down the track would wield it without remorse. Medieval Christianity, which ruled more absolute than any monarch, then promotes the Devil as a genuine and real force of corruption at large in the world. From this great unleashing of fear we are gifted the Crusades, Inquisitions and Witch Hunts.

The movement of the Church from Solace of the Spirit to the Feared Mouth of God brings it full circle, and shows it to be as corrupt and the Roman Empire under which it once labored in horrific abuse. The Church becomes the tool of the powerful to keep them in power and bears less and less relation to the beliefs of the pious layman who attend services rigorously. Here we see the Papacy controlled by commercial and dynastic interests, less concerned with the salvation of man than with the selective aggrandizement of God's supposed servants. This is the sanction for genocide and rapine- the demolition of entire cultures and the decimation of their peoples. This is abuse of power and it's covetous protection, and this is not ancient history. It is modern history, and though we never draw the lines that connect the Catholic Church with it's past deeds, they remain indented upon our social fabric.

Echoes from this theological foray into social engineering abound to this day. The deeds of man ever defies the comprehension of his calmer scrutiny, and we have yet to shed this convenient cosmic apologist for our darker selves, and look ourselves in the eye.

We hope you've enjoyed our tenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

by **Horny The Horned Reaper** » Fri Sep 25, 2015 10:07 pm

It's good to be bad.

by **Consular** » Fri Sep 25, 2015 11:22 pm

The Stalker wrote:3. The Stalker: Isn't it true that during the Nazi occupation of Hell you called in a favor from your network to have a double agent in Nazi Europe appear to have taken the region back as a false flag operation designed to further unite the left, imperialists, and raiders alike against Nazis while simultaneously tricking the Nazis into leaving Hell in false hopes to regain their homeland, all while being unable to reveal any of this to not blow the double agents cover at the time?

I'd believe it.

O_O

by **The Stalker** » Sun Oct 25, 2015 6:03 pm

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

October 25th, 2015
Issue XI. No room in Hell

Index
I. The Resurrection of Zombieland
II. Spotlight News: Villains & SAMHAIN
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. The Path of the Satanist: A Journey of Self
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Halloween Edition: Zombies

The Resurrection of Zombieland
Article by, The Stalker AKA Mr Zombie

When there is no more room in Hell... the dead shall walk the earth...

The Nationstate's Devil, The Stalker, has officially declared there's no more room in Hell. Henceforth the gates of Hell will forever remain closed, all damned souls will be return to sender. Which of course as we all know results in the dead rising to eat your precious brains.

Yes! It's that time again my friends, the Zombie Apocalypse draws near, the familiar moans and snarls of the undead can be heard in the distance. The infamous Pro-Zombie region Zombieland once against returns for its third year to terrorize Nationstates' unsuspecting regions with Zombies! Now sponsored as an official territory of The Kingdom of Hell.

Many remember Zombieland from prior years, the region spiking up to well over 100+ nations with several dozen more coming and going throughout Z day. Organized and disorganized group attacks on dozens of regions and this year we aim to do even more! We invite all Zombie enthusiast to send on over your Zombie nations to Zombieland for the festivities! It's time to revive your old zombie puppets, and to make several new ones!

Zombieland Pledge
We the zombies of Zombieland, in order to form a more perfect flesh eating society, to spread the infection, insure brains for all our hungry, provide for the common Zombie, promote the Zombie way, and ensure the blessings of the infection is spread so all may know our posterity, do ordain the Zombification of Nationstates. We're coming to get you Barbara!

Doom will soon fall upon all of Nationstates! The day of reckoning fast approaches, where the meatbags shall join the Zombie hordes or be savagely devoured! You all have this one chance to join us now, or in our bellies tomorrow! For months we've been preparing, setting up undercover Zombie nations throughout all of NS. No region is safe, no password will keep us out, for we are legion. We shall spread the infection to all corners of NS, we will ensure NS falls to the impending Zombie Apocalypse! NO ONE IS SAFE.

Zombieland Z day Protocol: http://www.nationstates.net/page=dispatch/id=317786

"I can't profess to understand God's plan, Christ promised the resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something a little different in mind."
~Hershel (TWD)

Zombieland.
Catch the Infection today!

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Villains take over the Madhouse!
Spotlight Article by, The Stalker

HA HA HA! Ladies and murderers, welcome to the madhouse! Life's a bowl of cherries and this is the pits.
Nationstates deserves a better class of criminal. And we’re gonna give it to them.
Madness, as you know, is a lot like gravity, all it takes is a little push.

We shall be a curse upon NS

The Joker: The Stalker
Ra's al Ghul: Big Jim P
Penguin: Freddland
Scarecrow: Cynical Alcoholics
Deathstroke: War-Salvaged Soldiers
Two-Face: Sabana Santa
Mr. Freeze: Boolaroo
Killer Croc: Mc Johnny
Black Mask: Donkervader
The Riddler: Domination Republic
Catwoman: VampireMountain
Victor Zsasz: Sasbaaddon
Bane: Theistic Luciferia
Deadshot: Galactic Russian Empire
Hugo Strange: Ioniac
The Mad Hatter: Buer the Demon
Clayface: Nazgur

(Name links to origin story)
Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

SAMHAIN: Origin of Halloween
Spotlight Article by, Theistic Luciferia

A Lot of People in modern times celebrate Halloween, or as it was called by Catholics in the Middle Ages, Hallowmas. It was a festival of fear. It was believed that on Hallowmas, the Gates of Hell would be opened and Evil was free to roam the earth for that day. In Fear, People Would Dress as Ghosts and Demons and Ghouls and such to blend in with the evils they believed were roaming the streets among them. It is funny to think such a fun tradition came from such a time of fear, but the origins of Halloween were not with the Catholic Hallowmas, but with the Celtic Samhain. Samhain was a festival associated with the end of the harvest season and the beginning of Winter or the darker half of the year. The name Samhain is derived from the Gaelic word for November as it was celebrated from sunset on October 31st to Sunset on November 01st. Many parts of the festival include Bonfires, Guising, Mumming, Divinations and Large Feasts. When Christian Missionaries arrived in the Celtic Lands they witnessed this festival and declared it to be an abomination. Hence the Christian Church did what they always did to try to convert the Celts by force. They outright banned the Celebration of Samhain, and when they caught Celts Celebrating it in their Homes, the Church made a decision to mask Samhain with a Holiday of Fear. This tactic led to the brainwashing of younger generations and the eventual forced conversion of The Celtic People. Ever since, the festival has been associated with dark spirits up until about the late 19th century when there was a revival of the no longer observed holiday. Rather than reviving a festival of Fear alone, the Revival incorporated a sort of traditional dress-up day in which people would dress up and go about their cities and towns celebrating with their neighbors. In the early 20th century with the onset of the Industrial era, and eventual commercialization of the Candy companies, the push to center the holiday on Going door to door for candy was eventually introduced.

Indeed, Halloween is nothing like it started out as. It is yet another holiday distorted by Christians and Killed by Commercialization.

(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,

My roommate stole what I was planning to eat after work. It was a delicious sandwich from the heavens with turkey, bacon, ham, lettuces, and everything yummy on top. What should I do?

Sincerely,
Hungry

Hungry,
Seems simple enough. Your roommate ate what you were planning to eat. So eat him instead. There's was a great cooking show about how to prepare him. It's called 'Silence of the Lambs'. Give it a looksie. Bon appetit.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

The Path of the Satanist:
A Journey of Self
Written by: Magus Samael
With contributions from Imperator Ragnarsson

Artist: Pavel Maksimoff / mpv666

Quintessentially, LaVeyan Satanism sets the individual self at the highest precedent. This precept is among the most eminent philosophical tenets that comprise of our philosophy. As a cultivated seed gives bloom to a radiant flower, so does Satanism aim to take those who are willing and able, and help them to develop into more independent and distinguished individuals. To declare yourself a Satanist is to make a commitment to improve upon your talents and strengths, as well as to attempt to remove that from your life which hinders your development as a human being. The largest of such obstacles are the superstitious dogmas that govern the minds and whims of many people. One such lie that you must cast away from yourself is the existence of a higher being.

To recognize yourself as a Satanist, the first and most important step is recognizing that you are your own master, and hence responsible for your own actions. There is no single god or pantheon omnipotent despotic pantheon of deities above to judge your actions, approve of your so called “good deeds”, or make excuses for your what Judeo-Christian morality deems diabolical or malevolent behavior. We eschew this overly-simplistic good-evil dichotomy. Since there are multitudinous variations of morality codes formulated throughout human existence, there can be with no fundamental absolutes. Therefore, we Satanists are moral relativists and morality is contingent upon one’s own philosophical ruminations and independent virtues.

For centuries our ancestors believed that the essence of the human condition transcended the mortal plane to inhabit a spiritual realm in one form or another. This is not so, for as we have grown in knowledge of anatomy and biology, we have learned that who we are as individuals is defined by our sentience evolutionarily developed by our carnal brains. Emotions, which were once thought to reside within the heart, are merely chemical reactions as a response to various genetic and environmental stimuli. This is not to say that they are any less important, for Satanists value to beauty of human emotions greatly. On the contrary, the fact that human personality only lasts a moment in the long expanse of the universe makes it that much more valuable. Life is to be cherished and savored for its brevity, and to realize that there is nothing beyond the existence we have now should be a prime motivator to get the most out of each and every day we are so fortunate to experience. For death is the ultimate fate of all, and the great abstinence. To deprive one’s self of the pleasures and joys that life has to offer, especially in this modern age of advanced technology and social advancement on a scale the likes of which have never been seen before, is not only foolish, but wasteful.

We Satanists strive to avoid such denial, and instead hope to die satisfied, accomplishing all of life’s goals, and leaving behind a legacy of memories for others to reminisce on. Heaven and Hell, as well as all other dichotomous reward and punishment systems within religion, are manifestations of the two primal physical sensations within all sentient life, pleasure and pain. Heaven and hell inhibit the mortal plain, and can be experienced daily. The trick in which one you experience more is in most cases up to you. By choosing your own destiny, you decide whether or not your life is a paradise or a raging inferno. As is stated in the Satanic Statements our manifesto, the Satanic Bible, “Satan represents responsibility to the responsible,” and there is a mandate for all practitioners of this path to take charge in their lives in order to improve them. The Satanist, in essence, aims to be his or her own god: Self-deification. Rather, it is an idealistic goal, a vision if you will, of what you would like to be or what you wish to achieve. To ascend to the status of a “god” or “goddess” in human form, therefore, is to achieve all of life’s aspirations and to fulfill ones desires. To emancipate one’s self from the constraints and standards imposed by others, and to instead live according to one’s own will. It is, finally and most importantly, to live with the comfort and knowledge that you are your own judge, and that you are free from the clutches of the deities that control and infect the thoughts of the masses.

While we are on the subject of nonexistent, supposedly higher beings, I have a disclaimer to the unacquainted. We Satanists, apart from the Theistic form, do not worship the devil or any other deity. Those of us who are LaVeyan Satanists acknowledge Satan not as an anthropomorphic being, but as an archetype, a pinnacle of human achievement to be revered rather than worshiped directly. Satan, as is known in Christian lore is seen as the adversary, and other times the bringer of the enlightenment, hence the other name, Lucifer, which translates to “bringer of light” in Latin. He is strong and influential enough to challenge the status quo, and gathers to him an army of rebels from among the Christian god’s ranks.

He is the emblematic of our rebellion as individuals. This is not a revolt in the sense of the edgy stereotype often portrayed by heavy metal fans. It is rather an intellectual and philosophical insurgence, a rejection not only of the Judeo-Christian religions of the western world, but also a denunciation of Judeo-Christian morality, or the guiding principles that have swayed mainstream culture and thought. There are many examples of such influences in society, including obligatory altruism, mercy to those who don’t deserve it, and the ‘golden rule’. They confine the human condition to a psychological bubble, an allegorical prison cell of subjective good and evil made objective.

In regard to clemency, the first person you must please and serve before all else is yourself. For if we are not good to ourselves, how can we possibly hope to be good to others? Beyond yourself, extend your assistance to those few whom you trust and respect, primarily your family and friends. To squander ones care and concern on the strangers of the world is to devalue the worth of compassion, and dilute its rich flavor with the bland water of self-righteousness.

The idea of mercy and of turning the other cheek, as has been commanded fervently in the scriptures by Jesus, or as we Satanists have dubbed him, the “mad redeemer”, is a perversion of human nature. It takes the idea of self-preservation, and turns it on its head, so that all of the loyal sheep of the shepherd can follow suit and suffer needlessly like their hero. We Satanists must choose otherwise if we are to thrive. As has been stated well by Anton LaVey in the Book of Satan, Chapter 3, “"Love one another" it has been said is the supreme law, but what power made it so? Upon what rational authority does the gospel of love rest? Why should I not hate mine enemies - if I "love" them does that not place me at their mercy? Is it natural for enemies to do good unto each other - and what is good? Can the torn and bloody victim "love" the blood-splashed jaws that rend him limb from limb? Are we not all predatory animals by instinct? If humans ceased wholly from preying upon each other, could they continue to exist? Is not "lust and carnal desire" a more truthful term to describe "love" when applied to the continuance of the race? Is not the "love" of the fawning scriptures simply a euphemism for sexual activity, or was the "great teacher" a glorifier of eunuchs? Love your enemies and do good to them that hate and use you - is this not the despicable philosophy of the spaniel that rolls upon its back when kicked? Hate your enemies with a whole heart, and if a man smite you on one cheek, smash him on the other!; smite him hip and thigh, for self-preservation is the highest law! He who turns the other cheek is a cowardly dog! Give blow for blow, scorn for scorn, doom for doom - with compound interest liberally added thereunto! Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, aye four-fold, a hundred-fold! Make yourself a Terror to your adversary, and when he goeth his way, he will possess much additional wisdom to ruminate over. Thus shall you make yourself respected in all the walks of life, and your spirit - your immortal spirit - shall live, not in an
intangible paradise, but in the brains and sinews of those whose respect you have
gained.” In short, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. If someone chooses to mock and slander you, speak out against such ignorance. If you are attacked physically, push right back in defiance. Stand strong against your adversaries, and do not allow them to belittle you. Continue to do well in what you are good at, and your success will put them to shame.
In conclusion, the path of the Satanist is one of self-fulfillment and liberation. It’s about reaching one's highest potential and getting the most out of life. As our philosophy becomes more widely recognized and understood, more people will align themselves with our philosophy.
I have just given you a relatively brief summary of some of the basic principles of Satanism. I hope it has enlightened you as to what we are all about, and that you have gained a greater perspective on the true meaning of Satan. If you have any questions for me or other members of the Satanic Cathedral, feel free to telegram us or leave a message in our discussion forum. Thank you very much for your time. Hail Satan!
Sources: LaVey, Anton Szandor. The Satanic Bible. New York: Avon, 1969. Print.
Contact Links:
Magus Samael of LaVeyan Inferno: LaVeyan Inferno
The Satanic Cathedral

Artwork of the Damned
"Some of us will never sleep again; Zombie"
14x11 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Halloween Edition: Zombies
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George

Regarding the Zombie Apocalypse in this game-within-a-game, as of last year, there are three basic approaches (there's no guarantee this year will be exactly the same):

(1) Cure the Zombies;
(2) Kill the Zombies; and
(3) Join the Zombies.

If you decide on option 1, you will tell NS that your nation is "researching a cure." After about an hour, your nation will start building Cure Missiles which you can fire at other nations in the region. Once a nation is Zombie-free, it tends to stay that way unless it has chosen option 3, or someone else who has chosen option 3 re-infects it.

If you decide on option 2, you will develop roving death squads that turn Zombies into dead people. As above, you can send your death squads into other nations in the region to kill their Zombies, too.

If you decide on option 3, you will become very infected very quickly. After an hour or so, you will be able to infect your neighbours or go to other regions and "spread the wealth."

If you want to survive the ZA and emerge infection-free (highest score), here's the plan:

I. At the beginning of the crisis, have the Founder temporarily close your region's borders to keep out unwanted "guests."
II. I strongly suggest EVERYONE in your region research the cure. The point of the game is to have the most survivors, so dead people don't count.
III. Anyone who wants to join the zombies should voluntarily leave the region or be temporarily ejected for the duration of the crisis.
IV. Particularly at the beginning, when your Cure Missiles are weakest, target the largest nations first--your first few missile strikes will go a surprisingly long way with those nations with 20,000,000,000+ populations.
V. As the largest nations become zombie-free, turn your attention to other nations, especially apparently inactive ones. Your missiles will be getting stronger, so it won't be QUITE so tedious to rid medium and smaller nations of Zombies. If you leave even a few million Zombies, they will start multiplying again, so be sure the nation you're curing goes completely infection-free!
VI. It takes a minute or so between missile shots, so I advocate that you have 2 or 3 nations (or more if you're really efficient or have someone helping you) online at the same time with different browsers. You might have nation W on Chrome, X on Opera, Y on MSIE, and Z on Safari. Once you fire one missile, immediately switch to the next nation and so forth. By the time you've used your last browser, the first one will be ready to go again!
VII. Be aware that when a nation is hit with any of the three approaches, it cannot do anything for 60-90 seconds, so if you see nations being very active, don't strike them at first. Wait until they stop firing before curing them.
VIII. Perhaps you and 1-2 friends can tag-team a particular nation at a time, continuously bombarding it with cure missiles--it will become infection-free MUCH faster that way.
IX. As the night wears on, network with other awake nations to find any obscure nations with remaining infection.
X. Report any "Join Zombie" nations for ejection.
XI. Once the region is completely infection free (usually the next day), you might consider voluntarily leaving your region to help out some other region, which will be deeply appreciated. Be sure you return to your home base before the end of the crisis so your population counts in the scoring.
XII. Even if you don't plan to stay up at all late, still be sure to research the cure in the first hour of the crisis, so you can at least heal yourself. STARTING EARLY IS KEY. If you wait until 99% of your population is zombified or dead, you won't have any resources to research the cure, since all your scientists will be in the bellies of the walkers!

If you and your region decide to embrace your inner zombies:

A. Starting early remains critical. Be aware, though, that Zombies naturally die from the infection eventually.
B. Since the game is biased in favour of Zombies, a region that willingly embraces Zombieism will become totally infected rather quickly. Note that even when you reduce a nation's living population to 0, living people will spring out of the thin air at the updates.
C. You should play with 2-4 nations, too, each on a separate browser. Particularly once you leave your home region to spread the Zombie love, you will want to be able to respond disproportionately if some fool fires a Cure Missile at you. Show them no mercy!
D. When possible, you should case the region you want to infect to find the largest nations. Your first ravenous horde or two will create many more Zombies than they would in a smaller nation.
E. Especially when you're raining on the party of some do-gooder region, work quickly, as you will probably be ejected once the populace realizes your mission unless you've gone to a Founderless region with no WA Delegate. Suckers!
F. The feeders and sinkers tend to become blood baths, as do larger regions without a survival plan. Since the mega-large feeders can have massive losses and still make a showing on the "Most Survivors" board, give them payback for not allowing adspam on their RMBs anymore!
G. Be aware of what your prey is doing or not doing. If they are also spreading Zombies, leave them alone unless you want to send them a bloody valentine, so to speak. Inactive nations should be your favoured prey.
H. Should a group of undead bigots totally cure you, you will continue to make more Zombies and you can always ask a Zombie patriot to re-infect you, too.
I. Should you decide to call it a night early, be sure you're joining the Zombies and in a Zombiephilic region when you log out. There's nothing worse than seeing a string of Cure Missiles have been fired at you all night while you slept the Sleep of the (Un)Dead.

J. You CAN research two or all three paths. Since the primary score is the number of living, uninfected citizens, sending in a band of death squads to kill Zombies may be a more effective strategy at lowering a region's score, since the Really Dead cannot be cured.

Remember, this is a game, so have fun playing with the Zombies! Note that once the crisis is over, there will be no permanent effects on your nation--everyone will return to their complete populations, no more Zombies, etc.

We hope you've enjoyed our eleventh issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

by **The Stalker** » Wed Nov 25, 2015 11:16 pm

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

November 26th, 2015
Issue XII. Satan Is My Motor

Index
I. Thanksgiving in Hell
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Should I Join the World Assembly?
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Presence of Satanic Culture in Video Games

Thanksgiving in Hell
Article by, Hellions

A lone mortal wanders into the realms and to the vast dark abyss he questions; "Today is Thanksgiving, tell me spawn of Satan, do the demons of Hell even have anything to be thankful for?"

Suddenly below him a voice speaks; "As an ingrate, I'm not sure I can answer this. No, really. I've been stuck in this grate for about three months now. Send help.." spoke Cynical Alcoholics.

The mortal surprised springs backwards bumping into something terrible, Zen Beatitudes whispers. "I am grateful for the engines of chaos and madness that is Man- without them running around the universe we'd all have been bored to death aeons ago. Yawie really outdid itself with those guys, I mean can you imagine an Earth without the overwhelming lunacy Man brings with him? It'd be like an insane asylum sans the weirdly echoing screams...most unpleasant."

Then a light in the darkness appears, a figure approaches with a demonic lightsaber, in long mechanical breaths Donkervader, "I'm grateful that the new Star Wars is soon to be released. Wielding the lightsaber he began to skin the mortal alive.

As the mortal screamed the demons of Hell began to gather round. " I am grateful for the skin of mortals, it's so cozy to wear," said Galactic Russian Empire as he gathered up the fresh supplies.

As if swaying to the sound of the mortal's screams, "I am grateful for the invention of music, and my ability to think musically and experience the full effect of a work," remarked Domination Republic as he pulled out the mortal's intestines to be used as his interments' strings. Striking a tune, another demon began to sing.

"I am thankful for
hellfire and brimstone and the
Mad King, The Stalker.

Oppressing people
and tormenting souls are my
yummy eat and drink.

I no longer give
out homework assignments: the
Lords of Hell hate them.

But I still teach them
philosophy and logic
in Hell's Bells' writings!"
Chanted Buer the Demon.

Then one of the oldest creatures of the pit arrived on the scene and came upon the mortal dying whimpers. Grabbing him the by throat the demon pulled the mortal to him. In delusional state he repeats; "What.. what do you.. even have anything to be thankful for?"

As he cracked open the mortal head and fashioned a cup from his skull Freddland replied simply, "Maker's Mark," as he poured himself a glass.

The corpse was then taken to a great pyre, where dozens of mortals were being roasted and seasoned to perfection. There stood a figure before the hoards of Hell, The Stalker held up a glass of fine virgin blood wine for a toast, "TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL!!! Let the feeding frenzy would begin! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!"

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

GaintFace Visits Hell
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GaintFace knows what's up. Click on his mouth for a special message.
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(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,
It's the day before Thanksgiving, can you send me some questions for Ask Fredd?

Sincerely,
Stalker
---
Dear Fredd,
Huh... what am I supposed to do if you don't send me question because I gave you no notice???

Sincerely,
Worried
---
DEAR FREDD,
I'm sending you psychic messages with my mind, so you'll tear away from some family event your likely at to provide me with Ask Fredd. Pink Elephants.

Sincerely,
Thinks he has psychic powers
---
Dear Fredd,
Happy Thanksgiving dude.

Sincerely,
Stalker
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Should I Join the World Assembly?
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George

Should I Join the World Assembly? How Do I Accumulate Influence?

I think of being in the WA as akin to attaching your three categories to a small stock market: some days you're up a little, some days you're down a little, but the average "investor" doesn't necessarily see any great net movement over a medium period of time. Like the stock market, it's almost impossible to time, you know, "buy low, sell high." You might have two issues that successively lower Civil Rights, or two issues that bolster your economy, or two issues that improve your environment. Overall, I don't see a net direction--over the long run, the differences that WA issues make is quite small, but real. I've seen nations that were right on the border between two government types, that have stopped answering issues, actually change government types because of individual WA resolutions, but I consider it likely that in the long run, nations experiencing that will find themselves restored to where they were. My current WA nation has all three categories at their maximum levels currently (although not at 100% right now), so obviously it can be done, with or without WA membership. The WA typically reveals how much a resolution will affect the three categories; if your primary goal is to build a world-class economy, for instance, and you see that the present issue being voted upon will have Significant downward influence over your economy, you might consider temporarily dropping out of the WA unless you are that region's WA Delegate, in which case you have to remain a WA member continuously to remain the WAD for that region. If your WA nation is outside of its home region over an Update, it will lose all of its endorsements and, hence, the position of WAD if it has that office.

Remember that resolutions that pass the WA immediately take effect. One time, many years ago, the WA was about to pass a resolution that I considered to be anti-gay, so I resigned before the vote was done, both as a symbolic protest but also because I didn't want that law to affect my nation.

As a reminder, especially for newer nations reading this, that you, the player, can only have 1 nation in the WA at any given time; having 2 or more is called "multying" and is considered a prime TOS violation. If this is the first time you've been caught and you only had two nations in the WA at the same time, the Mods might just issue you a stern warning and strip one of the two nations of its WA membership. Being caught multiple times or multying egregiously will carry considerably harsher penalties, up to and including having all of your nations barred from ever again having WA membership to even being banned from the game (all of your nations are deleted and a DOS "delete on sight" tag will be placed on your IP address so that future attempts to join NS will likely be immediately thwarted). Some people try to find clever little ways to avoid being caught multying, but my STRONG recommendation is not to try-- the benefits are too small and the penalties too great to make multying worth the risk. I can envision a future time in which one might legally be allowed a second WA nation for a significant payment or significant contribution (maybe tied to having your nation Commended in the Security Council), but I consider such unlikely.

The only ways to gather significant Influence are:

(1) to be one of a few members of a small region, especially being the sole occupant of your own region;
or
(2) to be a WA nation with a significant number of endorsements, held over time.

In this second regard, nations who become the WAD of one of the feeders or sinkers in the game will usually have more endorsements than your region has members, so they will tend to zoom up the Influence ladder very quickly. On the other hand, regarding (1), a truly ancient nation that has never left the large region to which it has belonged and has never been a member of the WA, even after 10 years, will still be among the lowest one can be. For most people, most of the time, the only way to improve Influence is to stay a WA member with many endorsements in ONE region over the course of time. Region hopping will tend to destroy your influence, as you immediately stop gathering influence in the home region and begin accumulating trivial amounts of Influence in the new region. I speculate that perhaps you lose half of your Influence within a region simply for leaving it, although if you return to that same region fairly quickly, you will gain back your remaining Influence, i.e., you don't start from 0 again. If you have a wanderlust or want to be a member of a region that travels to the Region of the Day, for instance, do so with your non-WA nation(s)! Raiders and defenders who routinely go on missions will seldom accumulate much Influence; to overwhelm a native or R/D delegate in power, it usually takes a coordinated attack with many nations right before an update successfully to snatch away the WAD in a region. Keeping or losing the WAD is a strict matter of total endorsements in a region, but for a new WAD in a Founderless region, all actions, from setting up a regional password to banjecting your opponents, require Influence to do, so recently invaded regions tend to be more vulnerable to a counterattack than comparable other regions which have not been invaded recently. Recent changes to allow new WADs to set up multiple Border Control officials who can eject or ban an incoming nation without cost seems to be tipping NS towards the raiders. Hopefully, this imbalance will be corrected quickly so that Defenders/attackers will have a sporting chance.

Artwork of the Damned
"Guy Fawkes Mask"
14x11 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Presence of Satanic Culture in Video Games
Article by, Assanria

It is of no surprise to most that many popular video games, such as The Elder Scrolls or World of Warcraft, have elements of Satanic culture in them. Though many of those games do not concentrate on the aspect of Satanism, they do use it to construct equivalents of Hell or demons in order to enrich their stories and add some spice to the gameplay. In World of Warcraft, the "Burning Legion" is a group of demons and evil creatures gathered by the corrupted titan Sargeras, who was once the champion of the titans. This is a very obvious replica of the biblical depictions of Satan and his army of demons and abominations, where the titans stand as a group of deities(or angels) and Sargeras fill the role of Satan and turns against them whilst unleashing all the evils and terrors he has captured over the millenias. The whole story of the expansion of World of Warcraft, officially named The Burning Crusade, centers itself around Sargeras attempting to conquer Azeroth(the equivalent of Earth, in which the main story of the game unravels) by opening up a dark portal and sending fort his evil minions and corrupted beings. The game also has a playable class which manipulates demons and demonic power with the intent of fighting and stopping the Burning Legion, referred to as Warlocks. They are viewed by the people of Azeroth as a necessary evil in the quest of eradicating the demons and Sargeras.

In the Elder Scrolls series we have the expansion Oblivion, in which gateways to a place of destruction and fire open up and evil supernatural creatures with demonic features, referred to as the Daedra, come through with the intent of conquering Tamriel. The Realm of Oblivion has sixteen major planes, each ruled by a Daedric Prince, and tens of thousands of minor realms and pocket realities which are connected to it or are part of it. This bares a striking resemblance to Dante's Inferno, which is a place of fire and chaos consisting of nine different circles, or planes. Though it should be noted that different planes within Oblivion have different aesthetics, ranging from barren wastelands to beautiful lush realms, and some are in a constant state of change. The monarchy which rules Tamriel has a very western European theme to it, and draws it's inspiration from the Christian Kingdoms of the medieval age.

The Diablo series shows us a very troubled world, in which we can see angels, demons, monsters, humans with unimaginable powers, and many other supernatural and mythic beings such as dragons or necromancers. The story of the game tells us that the Heavens and Hell have been at war since the very creation of existence, and that neither has made any great progress for their cause. The conflict between the two sides has brought destruction and suffering to reality, and has been spread among many battles and wars(such as the Sin War). Diablo is actually the best example of satanic culture in video games, since it straight out applies the stories and concepts of the bible into the lore of the game. There are no equivalents, such as in The Elder Scrolls or World of Warcraft, but actually biblical concepts and names. The game's plot also centers itself around the conflict of Heaven and Hell, good and evil, angels and demons. This offers for a very fun and intriguing gameplay and rich scenery, which makes the game very enjoyable.

So, why is satanic culture so popular in modern culture, to the point where it is implemented into popular video games(both as side-stories and as main lore)? In the 20th centuries, many cultural boundaries and limits were broken, and even completely removed. Satanism, originally a great taboo in western society, started to be much more appealing to the now more open minded populace. It has both the forbidden fruit appeal, as well as a rather interesting concept which can be nicely implemented into any form of entertainment and art. Free thinkers have also used the symbolism that Hell, the devil, and all things connected to that concept, to construct new philosophies. Lucifer is referred to as the Prince of Darkness, and rules over a land of chaos and fire. Where darkness represents the unknown, that which is beyond human knowledge or even comprehension, and where fire is the light which shines over the darkness and reveals it's secrets. Fire is also harmful to the touch, and can be very painful and even lethal. I don't think people could have asked for a better metaphor than that. In my view, Satan is not the evil creature which only seeks to corrupt and destroy. Instead, he is the Christian Prometheus, the bringer of fire(knowledge) who has been punished by the almighty authority, the creator. The fact that many are corrupted by Satan's words only represents human nature. How we are easily swayed by great revelations, and how we are often burned by unbearable truths. It seems as though the church has misrepresented not only Satan, but God as well. It is stated that God has created everything, and is omnipotent. If that is the case, then he has created Satan with the exact intention of him becoming the Prince of Darkness. The world needs a Satan, someone to make them face the horrific truths and go forward with the new knowledge they have gained.

And with the spread of Satanic philosophies, such as LaVeyan Satanism, pop culture has started to accept Satanism more and more. It is only natural that a subject which was previously a taboo and is full of great metaphors would be tempting for authors of these games. It's a fun subject to work with and, more importantly, can be heavily capitalized upon. Which, ultimately, is why game development companies exist. To bring entertainment to us all, yes, but also to profit from their art and hard work. Personally, i found interest in satanic philosophies and culture through Skyrim, which lead me to Oblivion, which lead me to everything else. And i am very happy that it did, because it has really changed the way i think, and has also brought many fun and happy times into my life. It's a game i still enjoy playing, and don't plan on stopping any time soon.

We hope you've enjoyed our twelve issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

by **Ever-Wandering Souls** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 9:54 am

" Recent changes to allow new WADs to set up multiple Border Control officials who can eject or ban an incoming nation without cost seems to be tipping NS towards the raiders."

The only nations they can ban without spending influence are those who have never spent an update in the region, which...funny, don't cost the point anything either

Furthermore, all their influence costs are double the base value given to the delegate. So, zero times two is still zero, but any non-zero actions takes significantly more influence.

Really enjoyed the final article, especially

by **The Stalker** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 12:16 pm

Ever-Wandering Souls wrote:" Recent changes to allow new WADs to set up multiple Border Control officials who can eject or ban an incoming nation without cost seems to be tipping NS towards the raiders."

The only nations they can ban without spending influence are those who have never spent an update in the region, which...funny, don't cost the point anything either Furthermore, all their influence costs are double the base value given to the delegate. So, zero times two is still zero, but any non-zero actions takes significantly more influence.

I think he meant incoming nation who are moving into liberate a region. They would have no influence and therefore not cost any influence to boot them.

Though, I guess i'm not 100% sure how that's how it works.

Ever-Wandering Souls wrote:Really enjoyed the final article, especially

Glad you enjoyed it, a first time submitter, I found it rather interesting since I've played a number of those games.

by **Cormac Stark** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 1:43 pm

As a (pretty tolerant) Christian, I actually found the last article pretty disturbing. I understand that a, well, hellish theme is pretty natural for Hell, but the casual embrace of real life Satanism is more than a little jarring to me. I would personally rather not see Gameplay used to make real life Satanism more appealing, particularly to younger players, given that this has absolutely nothing to do with gameplay and would seem more appropriate to General if it's appropriate anywhere.

That's just my personal view though, and I'm not planning to report the post or anything because moderators have allowed other gameplay newspapers with real life content (e.g., The Red and the Black). So, just my two cents. Happy Thanksgiving.

by **The Stalker** » Thu Nov 26, 2015 3:05 pm

Well I'd say the majority of our issues have at least one satanism related article. I'm not a satanist, but a number of Hell's residents are. And most forms of satanism are more about nature than actual devil worship.

If you like to write a counter article or something on your views on satanism, I'd be more than happy to include it in our next issue.

by **Marselesk** » Fri Nov 27, 2015 6:32 am

I was inclined to google Satanism after this issue, and Cormac's post, because i didn't realize actual Satanism came into this. After reading up, i've make the hopeful assumption that you guys aren't the goat worshiping kind of Satanists, but the semi-edgy philosophy followers.

Am i wrong in this assumption, or is there more to it?

by **Cora II** » Fri Nov 27, 2015 7:35 am

Maybe I'm cynical nihilist or something, but I don't find anything disturbing here. Or then its because its perfectly normal regional cultural tradition to collect skulls and scalps (fenda WA-skulls and RAV scalps are most eagerly wanted ones), that are then carefully polished/tanned, cataloged to the sacred grimoires and necronomicons of the Witch-Queendom, before ritually sacrificed to the Throne of Crom, The Deity of Cimmeria... :twisted:

Do you diabolic guys accept the embassy with us northern savage tribalists if requested?

Maybe there are some synergic benefits for both of regions. At least typical Cimmerians tend to go to the Underworld for after life when they die.

by **The Stalker** » Sat Nov 28, 2015 10:11 pm

Marselesk wrote:I was inclined to google Satanism after this issue, and Cormac's post, because i didn't realize actual Satanism came into this. After reading up, i've make the hopeful assumption that you guys aren't the goat worshiping kind of Satanists, but the semi-edgy philosophy followers. Am i wrong in this assumption, or is there more to it?

Well i'd say Hell has a wide range of beliefs, the handful of satanist would be more the 'semi-edgy philosophy followers'.

I would consider Hell's Bells fairly heavy in religious, spiritual, and philosophical related articles.

@ Cora, i'll shoot you a telegram regarding such a proposition.

by **Marselesk** » Sun Nov 29, 2015 5:40 am

The Stalker wrote:
Marselesk wrote:I was inclined to google Satanism after this issue, and Cormac's post, because i didn't realize actual Satanism came into this. After reading up, i've make the hopeful assumption that you guys aren't the goat worshiping kind of Satanists, but the semi-edgy philosophy followers. Am i wrong in this assumption, or is there more to it?

Well i'd say Hell has a wide range of beliefs, the handful of satanist would be more the 'semi-edgy philosophy followers'.

I would consider Hell's Bells fairly heavy in religious, spiritual, and philosophical related articles.
Issue I. Section IV. Theological Quandaries about Hell from a Christian Perspective
II. I. Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
II. IV. Satanism vs. Luciferianism
III. IV. Selling Your Soul... so you think
V. IV. The New Luciferian Era [NLE]
VI. VI. BOOK OF BAPHOMET PART I: COFFIN NAILS
VII. VI. BOOK OF BAPHOMET II: Kaosofi pt. I
VIII. VI. BOOK OF BAPHOMET III: Kaosofi pt. II
X. VI. The Devil Made Me Do It
XI. IV. The Path of the Satanist: A Journey of Self

@ Cora, i'll shoot you a telegram regarding such a proposition.

I'll give those a read sometime, probably around new year since i'm off from school then. I did read up on LaVeyan stuff a year or so ago when Big Jim P suggested them to me on NSG. I can see the appeal of it, but i don't think i'd really want to classify myself as a Satanist even so. It's just that the shock value is not something i'd like when people get to know me

by **The Stalker** » Thu Dec 24, 2015 12:21 am

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

December 24th, 2015
Issue XIII. Christmas Time in Hell

Index
I. The Nightmare Before Christmas
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Title-Aesthetic Analysis of Beethoven's Symphony No. 2 and Mozart's The Violin Concerto No. 5
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. Hell Christmas Carols

The Nightmare Before Christmas
Complied by, The Stalker

Boys and girls of every age, Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see this, our town of Halloween!
Hell has taken on new Nightmare Before Christmas theme for this December.

In this town we call home,
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin Song!

This time, this time
Making Christmas, Making Christmas!
Making Christmas, making Christmas is so fine
It's our this time and won't the children be surprised?
It's ours this time.

And the best, I must confess, I have saved for the last
For the ruler of this Christmas land
Is a fearsome king with a deep mighty voice
Least that's what I've come to understand.

And I've also heard it told
That he's something to behold
Like a lobster, huge and red
And sets out to slay with his rain gear on
Carting bulging sacks with his big great arms
That is, so I've heard it said

And on a dark, cold night, Under full moonlight. He flies into a fog, like a vulture in the sky, and they call him Sandy Claws...

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

The Black Hawks Visit Middle Earth

On December 5th, 2015 Sayenka took the delegacy revealing themselves to be a raider sleeper Marselesk of [region=The Black Hawks]. An army of Hawks swarmed upon the good people of Middle Earth, terrorizing humans, dwarves, elves, and hobbits alike, peaking well over 50 endorsements. Middle Earth had been raid free for nearly two years, and this raid would end Dor Caranthir's 433 day reign. For eleven days they waged war upon Middle Earth, the King Dor Caranthir and his council held strong against overwhelming numbers. An official Middle Earth outpost would be established in Hobbiton to offer save haven to the handful of natives that got ejected.

On the eleventh day The Black Hawks left Middle Earth and the people hailed the return of the King.

(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Mr. Fredd...
I recently encountered an individual who claims to be a Lycanthropic Skinwalker (he's essentially a werewolf) and he tells me he can't phase (change) because it is too dangerous, but he can't control it if he gets mad.... I am somewhat skeptical.....Should i try to get him to transform? what do you think is the best way to force a Skinwalker to change?

Sincerely,
He who pokes a Bear in the Face with a Cattle Prod.

Poker,
My B.S. meter is pegged. But, if you really want to test this 'skinwalker', skin him. He'll either change or be cured. Win – win.

Fredd
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Dear Fredd,

What does a Leviathan and the other demons of Hell eat for Christmas?

Sincerely,
Not Tasty

Tasty,
You've heard of Turducken? You stuff a chicken inside of a duck inside of a turkey. Then grill it up, nice and juicy. Pretty tasty, but not good enough for the Fredd. My version is the Walpenturducken. That's a chicken stuffed inside a duck inside a turkey inside an emperor penguin inside a walrus. Very tasty and, as an added bonus, you have sandwiches for weeks.

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Aesthetic Analysis of Beethoven's Symphony No. 2 and Mozart's The Violin Concerto No. 5
Article by, Ingskalla

Between the years of 1801 and 1802 Ludwig van Beethoveen composed Symphony No. 2 in D major (Op. 36) in four movements in dedication to Karl Alois/Prince Lichnowsky and Chamberlain of the Austrian Imperial Court. Beethoven resided in Heiligenstadt, Austro-Hungarian Empire when he created this masterpiece, where to his own personal detriment, his deafness became increasingly more profound and came to the unfortunate revelation that his deteriorating auditory abilities were irreversible. It is important to acknowledge that his struggle with his deafness left him in a state of considerable lamentation during the formation of this symphony. Specific emotions can be detected if the audience is keenly observant and can conceptualize the melancholic status of Ludwig van Beethoven. Beethoven composed his Second Symphony in absence of a regulatory minuet. Alternatively, a scherzo was substituted providing the composition with an amplified projection of perception and energetic elation. Logically, this would be profound in that it would captivate the audience and again portray the poignant element quintessential to the ambiance this symphony. This form consisted of four movements which are indicated as: Adaigo, Largetto, Scherzo: Allegro, and Allegro motto. Fundamentally in it’s optimal and conventional presentation, Symphony # 2 constitutes two oboes, a couple flutes, a duet of clarinets in note A, two bassoons, two horns in note D and E, trumpets in D, accompanied by timpani and strings.

The composer also made a transcription of the entire symphony for piano trio of which it bears the same opus number. Personally, I’m an admirer of the ingenuity of earlier works of Beethoven, but to speak candidly I would argue that Symphony #2's 1st is not among his most extravagant and mesmerizing of movements. By no means would I denounce or undermine the profundity of aesthetic appeal and elegance of the first movement of this piece, however the beginning was rather derivative of something more characteristic to Mozart. At the time of the creation of this piece, Beethoven was still considerably influenced by Mozart for his symphonic ideas and conceptions. Pointing to subsequent pieces, the Eroica, the 9th, and especially the 5th, this early symphony brims with revolutionary fervor, attributed with all the energetic elan associated with several Beethoven's great symphonies.

Also of course we have the The Violin Concerto No. 5 in A major, K. 219, composed by Wolfgang von Beethoven’s predecessor Mozart in the year 1775. The Violin Concerto No. 5 premiered during holiday in that same year and it adheres to a fast-slow-fast musical structure normative for the era. Regarding Mozart’s Concerto No.5 for Violin in A major, the aperto indicated on the first movement is relatively scarce in Mozart's instrumental compositions however is represented more prevalently in his operatic performances. This ultimately suggests that the composition should intentionally be executed more eclectically and in adherence to the conventionalities of allegro. Initially, the first movement is initiated with the orchestra performing a standard Mozartian tune. Following as a brief departure, a violin should correspond in a significant dolce adagio passage in A Major. Afterwards, there is a changeover and the main theme returns with the violin playing in concordance with the other instrumental constituents of the orchestra. This first movement is 11 minutes in duration with a grand total of 28 minutes of exquisite auditory stimulation and euphoric musical effervescence.

In this article I have briefly described the historical background and aesthetic context in which these masterpieces were composed and from my perspective, how they are significant. I would encourage anyone with an appreciation and interest for classical music to attend performances of these masterpieces.

-Written by the Norwegian Satanic Imperium of Ivar Skarsgård
Imperator of the Satanic Cathedral

Artwork of the Damned
"The Vitruvian Man"
12x12 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

Hell Christmas Carols
Parody by, The Stalker

Twelve Days of Christmas in Hell
On the Twelfth day of Christmas the Devil sent to me,
Twelve Demons dancing,
Eleven false prophets preaching,
Ten angels falling,
Nine Circles of Hell blazing,
Eight Evil Thoughts twisting,
Seven Deadly Sins enticing,
Six hydra heads hissing,
Five Golden Pentagrams,
Four riding Horsemen,
Three barking Cerberus heads,
Two Minotaurs,
And a Mad King in a lake of fire!

The Stalker is Coming to Town
You better watch out, and i'd like it if you cry
Better not be surprised when I drink your tears, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

He's following your every move, And taking your picture twice;
He's gonna find out if your single or if he's gonna have to stab someone nice.
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker sees you when you're sleeping, He follows you when you're awake, He knows if you've taken a shower or not, he's just obsessed for goodness sake!

You better watch out! You better not run,
You better not try to escape my love, I'm telling you why,
The Stalker is coming to town!

The Stalker smells you when you're sleeping, He collects your hair when you're away, He knows if you've been out on a date, and will stab them because he knows he's the one.

You know i'm watching out, and I got some drugged candy canes for you to try,
You better love me or i'll murder you, I'm telling you why
The Stalker is coming to town!

We hope you've enjoyed our Merry F-ing Christmas thirteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

by **Marselesk** » Thu Dec 24, 2015 6:07 am

Nice read.

by **Cormac Stark** » Thu Dec 24, 2015 8:27 am

Literal Satanists making a mockery of Christmas. I've officially seen everything there is to see in NationStates.

by **The Stalker** » Thu Dec 24, 2015 10:52 am

We're not mocking Xmas by any means. I do celebrate it.

More a parody if there was Xmas in Hell.

by **Ever-Wandering Souls** » Thu Dec 24, 2015 1:27 pm

EVERYONE HAIL TO THE PUMPKIN SONG
LA
LA
LA
LA-LA
LA
LA
LA!!

by **Assanria** » Fri Dec 25, 2015 8:46 am

Looks like i was too late for this month's edition

by **The Stalker** » Fri Dec 25, 2015 7:14 pm

No worries dude, there's always next issue.

by **The Stalker** » Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:03 pm

Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee.

January 28th, 2016
Issue XIV. Comfort Eagle

Index
I. The Garden of ~~Eden~~ HELL
II. Spotlight News
III. Ask Fredd!
IV. Easter Eggs, Part 4
V. Artwork of the Damned
VI. An interview with Lucifer, Prince of Darkness

The Garden of ~~Eden~~ HELL
Article by, The Stalker

In a closed off demonic region many thought would stagnate and decay behind a password with such absurd requirements to gain entrance has in fact flourished off the gate community VIPs only model developed by the Mad King of Hell The Stalker. Cultural production remains at an all time high with the continued production of Hell's Bells, and a new Hell role-playing game is in the works for the new year.

Over the past year Hell has been progressively been increasing its World Assembly population to greater number than it's had in years. As of January 2016 Hell has reached a steady 20 WA nations made up largely of long time players.

Below outlines the comparative standings to a wide range of founderless user-created regions.

Data Collected 1/28/16. WA population based off WA Delegate endorsement count +1.

Rumors persist the King sold his sold to the devil to produce such results, but the mad King insists he used someone else's having bought many in his day.
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Nations wishing to sell their soul to the Devil of NationStates should contact The Stalker for details.

Spotlight News
Compiled by, The Stalker

Hell Joins the Dark Side of the Force!
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away... Hell. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.

Join the dark side of the force and hail the mad Sith King!

Peace is a lie.
There is only passion.
Through passion I gain strength.
Through strength I gain power.
Through power I gain victory.
Through victory my chains are broken.
The Force shall set me free.
~The Sith Code

As long as the Dark Side flows through the cracks of my flesh, I cannot be killed.

The Dark Side of the Force is the pathway to many abilities some consider to be… Unnatural.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Hell's Bells welcome submissions for future Spotlight News articles, contact The Stalker for details.)

Ask Fredd!
Advice Column by, Freddland

Dear Fredd,

The prophetess Baba Vanga foretold that Europe would fall in 2016 and it's population would be devastated. With an acclaimed 80% accuracy rating for her predictions, what do you think should I cancel my trip to Europe this year?

Sincerely,
The Superstitious Traveler

---

Super T,
Bah. Europe is still packed with people (and far too many French) with more streaming in everyday. Your Baba O'Reiley or whatever sounds like another con-artist. You want REAL prophesy? Let the Fredd lay some guaranteed prophesy on you (they all come true or double your money back).

2016 will NOT be the year that Android and I-phone users learn to respect (or even tolerate) each other.

The Cub's won't win the World Series in 2016. or 2017. or 2018. or…

If you read a 10 day weather forecast, the weather for the last day will be wrong. And if you make plans based on that forecast, the forecast will be catastrophically wrong (think giant radioactive hailstones).

If you buy a hot stock now, it will crash by October.

And the corollary: If you ignore a hot stock now, it will triple by July.

And the prophesy I have no doubt about at all.
The American voters will elect an idiot to the presidency in 2016

Fredd
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Have a question for Fredd you'd like to see answered in the next issue of Hell's Bells? Submit here via telegram to Freddland.

Easter Eggs, Part 4
Article by, Buer the Demon AKA Dr George

#430: Easter Egg: Please, Sir, We Want Some More Issues

The Issue
With the same old dilemmas confronting @@NAME@@ time and time again, people are demanding to know why there aren't more genuinely new issues.

The Debate
1."Well, that's because they're all twaddle,” says [violet] matter-of-factly while twirling a lighter in her hands. "I'm sick and tired of reading that garbage. I've decided to scrap the player-submitted system -- but don't tell anyone that. The endless waves of hate mail would overwhelm the server."

“player submitted issues are printed just so they can be burned by [violet]”
(appears to lower Political Freedoms)

2."The aim of this site is to promote my novel, not the writing talents of literary wannabes," scoffs Max Barry while sipping an iced-Margarita on a yacht in the South Pacific. "I've ordered the mods to only approve mediocre issues to ensure that no one discovers there are better writers out there than me."

“it is universally agreed that the first 31 issues are the only ones with humor and charm”

3. "I've been combing through the queue, carefully examining each draft and determining its potential," sighs Sedgistan who is sitting next to an orderly stack of drafts stamped 'no way in hell'. "I'm confronted with thousands upon thousands of issues. I have to manage multiple editors and somehow still place in the Mod Olympics. Do you have any idea how much stress that puts on me? That's why it takes so long. Stop breathing down my neck. If you want to be useful, go help out the newbies in Got Issues."

“aspiring authors begrudgingly help proofread issue submissions”

4. "Huh? What's that?" says Sanctaria absentmindedly, looking up from an intimidating series of flow charts. "More issues? Well, it's your lucky day! I'm working on my next great chain. It will dwarf my last one in size and complexity. Forget everything you know about issues, every rule you think we can't break, because this chain is going to break them all."

“Players panic as they discover the newest chain can reset their populations and even delete their nations.”

5."I couldn't agree with this more!" yelps Comrade Lenyo, his arms full of drafts. "We've received over 6,000 submissions! If we just got rid of the delete button, that'd be over 6,000 more issues. Who doesn't want that? Why are we still wasting time talking about this? Why are you reading this instead of submitting more drafts for us to add? EVERY. SECOND. COUNTS!"

"Common misteaks slip threw as the Issues Editing Team adds issues by the hundread."

6. The deafening Voice of Mod booms down from the heavens, "You will receive new issues when you receive new issues. Your questioning is undermining the authority of the mods. I've deleted enough nations to know flaming when I read it. You have been warned."

“Text rains down on the head of anyone who dares to step out of line.”

Trigger: Answering the same issues many times? Most of the nations I have noticed having this issue—and there have been many—were larger rather than smaller. The exact cutoff remains unknown.

#471: Easter Egg: Red Sleigh Down (new as of December 2015)

The Issue
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through your house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. When out in the lawn, there arose such a clatter! You sprang from your bed, to see what was the matter. Away to your window, you ran like a flash, tore open the shutters, and threw back the sash. When what to thy wondering eyes did appear? Your advisers had gathered, some smelling like beer. They were shouting and arguing, filling the night with their cries; they were speaking of an emergency, that was happening high in @[nation=short]Nation[/nation]@@'s skies.

The Debate:
1."We have an unidentified flying object violating our air space!" pants your Aviation Minister Aaron Falopian, turning a shade of purple, clearly out of breath from running all the way to your house. "It's not responding to our hails - you know, I don't think it even has a radio. We've issued numerous warnings to turn back too. This could be an armed drone, or some drunk yuppie, but I don't care what it is - the moment it crossed our borders, it became a security risk! I highly recommend that you allow us to shoot this terrorist down.
“children across @@ Nation@@ are mourning the loss of Santa Claus after the military shot down his sleigh”

2."Don'tcha know that you're talking 'bout Santa Clauseee!" slurs concerned parent Mia Eliot, stinking to high heaven of sherry. "D'yareallywant t'shoot down Santa in front of the innocent eyes of @@ADJECTIVE@@ childers? Do you really want to kill the Christmas shpirits? Let the flying thing come in. It's Santa Clauseee! The childers of @ Nation@@ will - *hiccup* - thank you for it."

“the government is lax about national security during the Christmas period”

3."I think there's an easier way to ensure security but doesn't ruin the holidays," muses your partner, also awoken by the commotion outside. "Just like any visitor to @@ Nation@@, make Santa go through all the necessary hoops. Visas, taxes for his imported goods, and those flying reindeer of his probably have rabies and should definitely be quarantined. Santa might not appreciate being strip searched, but hey, that's the price of security."

“Rudolph has been put down after fears he had foot-and-mouth disease”

4."Are we forgetting that Santa Claus is a wanted criminal in @ Nation@@?" asks overzealous police officer Wil Christensen, brandishing a picture of Santa's mug shot. "The guy has literally countless breaking and entering, looting, and animal cruelty charges against him. Let's also not forget the hundreds of elves he's enslaving all year round. For all we know his so-called "gifts" are nothing more than anthrax-laced candy. And I hear his reindeer shoot lasers from their eyes! We must stop this threat before it's too late. Then he can face the full wrath of @ Nation@@'s justice system!"

“Santa is trading presents for smokes while awaiting sentencing for crimes against humanity”

5."Are we really taking this Saaanta thing this seriously?" yawns your teenage, social justice warrior daughter. "I hate to be the one to say this, but Santa isn't real. He was invented by the Seppsi soda company to deceive little children and boost their sales. If you really want to get into the spirit of the season, you should be less of a scrooge and spend more on social welfare, combating homelessness, and reducing the poverty levels. It's easy to do, especially if you order every working citizen to forfeit most of their month's salary in tax. Sure they won't be able to afford loads of toys, but Christmas is way too commercialised now anyway. The poor and homeless need money more than I need another Max Barry doll."

“homeowners often burn Christmas trees just to stay warm”

6."Not real, you say?" questions a large, jolly man sporting a white beard, red hat, and thick boots who just slid down your chimney. "I can assure you that I'm the genuine article! Now all of this talk about shooting down my sleigh only proves what I've long suspected - @@ Nation@@ has been very, very naughty. Why, your crime rates are so high it sent my Naughty or Nice Detector haywire! Your unfeeling ways has killed your Christmas spirit. I'm afraid that you are all on my naughty list and will get no presents this year - only coal. Ho, ho, ho!"

“smog covers @@CAPITAL@@ as the populace burns record amounts of coal“

Trigger: Using a @@LEADER@@ named with 'Nick' in it. Nick can be the first name, the last name, the only name, and probably the middle name. I’m unsure whether compounds like “Nicky” will work. This appears to be one of the easier Easter Eggs to get.

I generally choose option 2 as the least objectionable and least aggressive. 1 is the warlike choice. I find 3 and 4 objectionable. 5 and 6 could have negative effects on your environment.

Artwork of the Damned
"The Umbrella Girl"
20x16 Oil Painting by, The Stalker

An interview with Lucifer, Prince of Darkness
Article by, Assanria

Assanria: "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a show I've just made up to host an interview with the man himself. The Prince of Darkness, the most beautiful of angels, the Lord of the Underworld, the...uhh...that's all i got really. Please welcome Mr Lucifer to our show with a round of applause!"

*prerecorded applause*

Lucifer: "Thank you, it's good to be here."

A: "First of all, Lu-sorry, may i call you Lu?"

Lu: "Sure thing, i like to get on a nickname basis with all the people I'm going to rule over after they die."

A: "...Right. Anyway, can you tell us how an average day in Hell goes, Lu?"

Lu: "Well, we've had a lot of busy days lately. You people have done a good job at not dying in your 20s and 30s, and there are much more people than there have been before. So now i get somewhere between thirty and fifty million souls pouring into my realm annually. I've had to conjure up more demons to share the workload, but the economy is not great and those are just extra mouths i need to feed...and keep from eating me."

A: "Wait, over thirty million? But that's quite a lot of people being condemned to an eternity of fiery anguish and misery. Are you sure about that number?"

Lu: "Oh definitely. The big man upstairs pretty much outlawed most of what you humans like to do, and he can also be pretty vague about what gets him upset, so the number can vary."

A: "I see. So what is the process that takes place after one gets condemned to an eternity in Hell?"

Lu: "Let's see, first we have to line up the souls in different rows depending on the category of their sin. Then we send each category to the appropriately awful level of Hell, where they get separated into six different types of punishments which are conducted by lower ranking demons, and monitored by higher ranking ones. But as i said, it has been tough making sure everyone get's their salary when it's due."

A: "But wouldn't the massive amount of souls make your realm more rich, and your demon's salaries higher?"

Lu: "You'd think that, but what's going on is what we call a soul-inflation. Basically there are so many souls in hell at the we simply do not have the fel ore to back it up, so the souls are worth much less than what they used to be. In fact, we've seen a ~350% drop in worth since the 30s. If it keeps going on at this rate, Hell will be in a great deal of trouble."

A: "Oh my. I hope you manage to solve that situation eventually. What is your favorite thing about ruling over Hell?"

Lu: "Hmmm. It would have to be the fact that i can sit in Hade's throne. Man that guy was a douche while he was still alive."

A: "Fascinating. If you had to choose any other job/life than the one you have, which one would it be?"

Lu: "People would probably assume I'd take on the role of a interrogator or something along those lines, but I'd really like to try myself in the brewing business. Y'know, open up a pub, sell my own brands of beer, have a really nice atmosphere going. Ah, it would be nice. But someone's gotta watch over Hell, and i don't feel like handing it out to my son, seeing as I'm sort of a selfish prick."

A: "That does sound nice. Alright, Mr Lu, i know you're a busy man...uh angel...uh demon, thing, creature, so i won't take up anymore of your time. Just answer me this, why the coup attempt?"

Lu: "It is literally a chance of omnipotence. Who wouldn't try it? The plan was perfection, too, so i'm not sure how i failed. It's probably Obama's fault."

A: "Alright, that concludes this episode of 'A show i just made up to do this interview', check out the next episode this sunday, when i interview Medusa. Be sure to cover up the screen for that one, folks! See you next time!"

*sh!tty outro music*

We hope you've enjoyed our fourteenth issue of Hell's Bells. Nations interested in contributing to future issues should contact The Stalker for details. Thanks for reading.

by **Marselesk** » Thu Jan 28, 2016 5:39 pm

Another cool issue of HB, nice. Congratulations on your growth in WA nations!

by **Ambroscus Koth** » Thu Jan 28, 2016 6:05 pm

From the title of this issue, I expected Cake. I was disappointed.

by **The Stalker** » Thu Jan 28, 2016 6:07 pm

Ambroscus Koth wrote:From the title of this issue, I expected Cake. I was disappointed.

This is the third issue named after a cake song / lyric. :roll:

by **Ambroscus Koth** » Thu Jan 28, 2016 6:09 pm

I know! And still no actual Cake discussion

Can you at least ensure me that there are plenty of goats in Hell?

Hell's Bells S.E.I: Back in Black (Gates of Hell OPEN)

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