Free Press News Service

[Todd McCloud]

Note: Yeah I know the OP in this thread is a repost. I just wanted to keep this all in one thread to prevent a threadjack in the other thread, post more of these news stories, and hopefully convince others to do so too. I swear there will be more to come.

Todd showing off large eyebrows at his speech.

Mr. Milograd Tear Down this Wall!

Somewhere on the TSP/TEP Maritime border: NS blowhard fox guy thing Todd McCloud decided to speak out against the actions committed by a one Milograd in the warzone that has become The South Pacific. Sporting his angry eyebrows, the delegate voiced concerns over the illegitimate regime's choices in removing embassies, specifically with The East Pacific.

"When Mr. Milograd removed embassies of friendly regions, he effectively placed a curtain - a red, iron curtain - over the region of the South. This doesn't sit well with us in The East Pacific. I guess you could say it isn't kosher with us." The delegate paused as the laughter subsided. Everyone present of course knew of The South Pacific's longstanding traditions involving pickles. "But seriously, this curtain serves only to blind nations caught up in the chaos, thinly-laced under the hollow promises of influence reform, reform designed to free the dictator yet enslave the people he promised to serve!"

"Influence reform is ill-accomplished by such irresponsible actions," the delegate continued. "These actions have included the banishment of nearly one thousand prominent nations, the systematic murder of billions of individuals, the silencing of the government-in-exile from all World Factbook Presses, and in many cases is causing larger influence gaps within the region among other atrocities. The state-run media suggests otherwise, but in the world of the free press, these facts are well-known. It's just another pitfall these papers are, another barrier to freedom. If Mr. Milograd claims to free the people from so-called shackles, he has only done so to ensnare them in traps."

"We cannot, indeed will not stand for this. Such instability will likely only hasten the advancement of terrors committed in The South Pacific. Even the General Secretary must know this: his own regime is but a temporary one in its current state. Eventually peace and freedom will catch up, and order will be restored. To abate escalations, I suggest a different route. General Secretary Milograd, if you seek peace, if you seek freedom and prosperity for the people of The South Pacific, meet me at the border. Mr. Milograd, open up those embassies. Mr. Milograd, tear down this wall!"

The delegate wrapped up his speech about some typical political jargon. Somehow he managed to squeeze in "gerrymandering" in his speech, but it was towards the end when people were probably turning the channel or falling asleep. For those who didn't tune in for the entirety of the speech, he finished by welcoming refugees and providing them "safe, temporary placement" until the old government won. Because he was totally thinking he was a cowboy, and cowboys are cool.

[Todd McCloud]

Delegate and Sons (left to right): Todd, Punk Daddy, Krulltopia, and McMasterdonia

Past and Present Delegates of the Free World Light Up Music Charts

In a recording studio: It's difficult to to catch the group Delegate & Sons away from the trongs of clingy fangirls, record producers, and pretty much anyone but hipsters (because they've become too mainstream apparently), but this group of two current and two former delegates are making a statement with their music. And they want copies to be sold in The State-Run South Pacific.

"We just want them to listen to something other than accordions and songs in Russian," singer Todd McCloud admitted. "I mean that stuff's okay to have on shuffle now and then, but it'd be rough to listen to day in and day out, I presume."

The band has released many tracks since Milograd's coup in The South Pacific, but have mostly recorded remakes of popular songs. On their newest album, The Pretzels are a Little Too Salty for me, Bill. Part IV, one can listen to such tracks as "We are the Free Pacifics" (remake of "We Are the World"), "Where Have All the Hawaiian Shirts Gone?" (remake of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?"), "I Still Haven't Found Who to Endorse" (remake of "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"), and "Southern Bellz" (remake of the popular Christmas tune "Silver Bells"). If fans bought the album on-line, they would get a bonus track named "Coupers" (remake of "Russians").

"Mr. Milograd says we will bury you, I don't subscribe to that point of view, believe me when I say to you I hope the coupers love their children too."

The band consists of four members, including Todd as a singer, Punk Daddy as backup vocals (to provide the deep undertones) and guitar, Krulltopia on guitar, and McMasterdonia on the drums. When the band first formed, many wondered if they would actually be able to make anything sound good between the four of them. Despite many critics saying they couldn't even beat performers competing in amateur hour, their sales say otherwise. Even with reports surfacing that Krulltopia wasn't as supportive as the other band mates were, it was quickly swept under the rug and dismissed by rabid fans.

"We try not to let political differences get between us," Todd assured. "We're just a down-to-earth and all-around cool band to listen to. It's something fun to do when we attend our illuminati meetings." Todd asked for us to remove the comment from the record, but since we're free press, and also non-mainstream media, we decided to keep it in.

Time will tell how well this band lasts. Clearly, its popularity will probably go down the tubes when the coup in The South Pacific is over and all four of them get swamped in real life. Then again, something else could probably happen.

[Feux]

Todd, when are you going to understand that you have won this game?

[Karpathos]

Great article Todd! Thoroughly enjoyable.

[Cerian Quilor]

Todd Macleod, find a way to legally Multi so you can take over TSP when this is done

[Todd McCloud]

This was a decent stock photo of the NS Stock Exchange before some jerk photobombed it

Bear Market Continues As Worries Over TSP, UDL Grow

At the NS Stock Exchange: As we all know, stock markets have a lot to do with money, investing, security, and stability. Generally speaking, if a stocks appearsto have a good chance of going on the rise or simply look to have steady growth, people will invest in them. If downward trends are present, or something very big happens to cause widespread worry or instability, stock prices will go down and investors will pull out. Buy low, sell high, take a piece of the pie when you walk on NS Wall Street.

While that is a gross oversimplification, the writer of this article doesn't really want to give a lesson in futures and market value. Instead, a more relevant topic seems to be the fact that the NS Stock Exchange has noticed a strong downward trend over the past week, beginning initially with the recent events in The South Pacific, but increasing in its rate of decrease when it was announced that Cornac is in the lead to be the next Chief of the Band (CoB) for the UDL. Investors can't even be relied on to 'play nice in the sandbox' anymore, as reports of an angry money manager bit a chunk of another guy's ear off at the Lazarus Stock Exchange, probably prompting some kind of eventual rage response from King Feux.

"Expert" NS economist Todd McCloud presents his theories. Expert is stressed here since he's only a feeder delegate of a democratic region and everyone knows democratic delegates can't make decisions by themselves. "It's like this you see. You get all your friends to vote you in office, and then-" an aid was quick to jab him with a large stick, changing the trajectory of his thought process. "The NS stock market is all about security. If people think you're stable, they'll invest money. If they think you're unstable, they'll pull their money out. Therefore, it's clear to me that people think Milograd's regime and Cornac are both unstable. That is clearly the only conclusion to be made here."

With the markets falling some 390 points today, it is hoped that these large swings will eventually recede and things will even out. Not so, says Todd. "Even if the old regime in TSP changes, I think there will be some changes they will have to enact. The lazy man's answer to that is that the degree of changes depends solely on the length of the coup, but I beg to differ. It all depends on if they believe a change is necessary, and how many people end up joining their fold to work on change. It's these sentiments that create the division between a soft and hard reset. The old government, when and if it returns anytime soon, has an urgent task at hand: the task of relevancy and ensuring the shortcomings of the past don't creep up. I can't speak for them over there, but I can say that I believe that improving things will be a fun task when they return to power."

"The UDL is another story," Todd added. "Even the Feds (that's what I'm calling leaked info here) have tapped into their election process. And we all know they're a huge Mafia and this is just like the movie Casino except no one is getting their head squashed in a vice and no one talks like a streetwise Italian or is on coke. Anyway, investors are concerned about the results of the election." When reminded Mahaj is also in the running for the lead, Todd was quick to interject. "Well, see with him, you'll notice the market will even out. Even out so much, it'll flat line. Like it's dead. One flat line. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep. So it's really a question of instability versus flat lining. But I digress. I'm sure whoever will get picked will do a decent job."


*Editors note: In no way am I making fun of anyone in any of these posts, nor am I predicting their handling of the particular jobs they are in the running for. I'm merely putting to light some of the recent events in NS. If anyone gets offended by these posts, don't - that wasn't my intent.

[Tano]

(Image)
Delegate and Sons (left to right): Todd, Punk Daddy, Krulltopia, and McMasterdonia

Past and Present Delegates of the Free World Light Up Music Charts

In a recording studio: It's difficult to to catch the group Delegate & Sons away from the trongs of clingy fangirls, record producers, and pretty much anyone but hipsters (because they've become too mainstream apparently), but this group of two current and two former delegates are making a statement with their music. And they want copies to be sold in The State-Run South Pacific.

"We just want them to listen to something other than accordions and songs in Russian," singer Todd McCloud admitted. "I mean that stuff's okay to have on shuffle now and then, but it'd be rough to listen to day in and day out, I presume."

The band has released many tracks since Milograd's coup in The South Pacific, but have mostly recorded remakes of popular songs. On their newest album, The Pretzels are a Little Too Salty for me, Bill. Part IV, one can listen to such tracks as "We are the Free Pacifics" (remake of "We Are the World"), "Where Have All the Hawaiian Shirts Gone?" (remake of "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?"), "I Still Haven't Found Who to Endorse" (remake of "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For"), and "Southern Bellz" (remake of the popular Christmas tune "Silver Bells"). If fans bought the album on-line, they would get a bonus track named "Coupers" (remake of "Russians").

"Mr. Milograd says we will bury you, I don't subscribe to that point of view, believe me when I say to you I hope the coupers love their children too."

The band consists of four members, including Todd as a singer, Punk Daddy as backup vocals (to provide the deep undertones) and guitar, Krulltopia on guitar, and McMasterdonia on the drums. When the band first formed, many wondered if they would actually be able to make anything sound good between the four of them. Despite many critics saying they couldn't even beat performers competing in amateur hour, their sales say otherwise. Even with reports surfacing that Krulltopia wasn't as supportive as the other band mates were, it was quickly swept under the rug and dismissed by rabid fans.

"We try not to let political differences get between us," Todd assured. "We're just a down-to-earth and all-around cool band to listen to. It's something fun to do when we attend our illuminati meetings." Todd asked for us to remove the comment from the record, but since we're free press, and also non-mainstream media, we decided to keep it in.

Time will tell how well this band lasts. Clearly, its popularity will probably go down the tubes when the coup in The South Pacific is over and all four of them get swamped in real life. Then again, something else could probably happen.

Todd, if you ever need a bass player, I happen to know an excellent one.



(It's me)
But anyways, great thread, please keep posting forever and ever.

[TEP HeronWalker]

as reports of an angry money manager bit a chunk of another guy's ear off at the Lazarus Stock Exchange, probably prompting some kind of eventual rage response from King Feux.

LOL

[McMasterdonia]

Wow Todd XD

These are so brilliant.

[Guardian Liberty Prime]

Democracy is non-negotiable.

[Todd McCloud]

This grainy image is all the proof you need, so remove your tin foil baseball caps and enjoy being right for a change.

Uniboch Ness Monster Spotted in TRR

Near a port town in The Rejected Realms: While the Free Press News Service continues its on-going coverage of the tumultuous events in The South Pacific, we wish to provide you with all the news you need from around the NS World, because people can get tired from writing about the same thing over and over again and could use a new topic to write about every once and a while. Anyway, this story comes straight out of The Rejected Realms, where an apparent spotting of the Uniboch Ness Monster has put citizens there on edge.

To be fair, sightings have been appearing in various locations across the NS world, but this is the first time an actual photograph has been taken. The image in question, which was taken by a plucky newbie who wishes to remain anonymous and was recently banned from The South Pacific, appears to show the monster surfacing to take a breath of air and/or scope out the terrain surrounding the loch it appears to be trapped in. Conspiracy theorists believe that this is a clear sign Unibot is not completely retired yet, or wishes to return to the game. Skeptics believe the photograph is just a log, a boat, or perhaps a weird submarine prototype. The Rejected Realms government has yet to report on the image.

As to what the Uniboch Ness Monster is or what it's doing in The Rejected Realms, no one knows. Everything about the creature remains an enigma. As with any cryptid, it has attracted its fair share of fans and people looking to take advantage of said fans by selling overpriced t-shirts and charging them top dollar to get a picture of their families next to a cardboard standee of the image.

These shirts are overpriced.

Todd McCloud, who now likens himself to be an expert at analyzing images, was able to take time out of his busy schedule of counting blades of grass and pretending to be the next Ronald Reagan to critically examine the picture. "This looks 'shopped to me," he said while holding the image upside-down and keeping one eye open. "I can tell from seeing a lot of 'shops in my lifetime. It's probably hopeful thinking at this point, but I wouldn't deny such a creature exists. There are after all a lot of rumors around. I guess you can say they float around the NS world, kind of like how this 'creature' looks to be floating in water." When asked if he knew who took the photograph, he scratched his head and replied, "probably just some crazy girl in The Rejected Realms. You know how things go down there, right?" We don't understand why he winked at us when he uttered that last phrase.

Do you live in The Rejected Realms? Have you seen the Uniboch Ness Monster? If so, please inform the Free Press News Service and we will report any updates to the matter.

[Charax]

I approve of this.

[Todd McCloud]

Three? Three microphones? I said THIRTY!

Were You Better Off Two Weeks Ago?

In front of some camera: NS dork Todd McCloud took to the airways this morning to address citizens in The South Pacific. Speaking with a broadcast signal strong enough to be picked up by citizens in The South Pacific (who have been restricted to state media broadcasts only) the delegate of the east hoped to increase the numbers of the resistance as well as boost morale within their ranks.

"I'll keep this short because I don't want to take too much of your time. But before I go, let me ask you a few short questions. Is your region safer than it was before Milograd took over? Are you more able to tell the delegate how you'd like him to vote in the World Assembly? Is there less of a threat of you and other nations being banned for not agreeing with the delegate? Are there less bannings in the region than before Milograd took over? Are you more able to influence the government and make changes to a region that is theirs just as much as it is yours?"

Todd continued from his teleprompter. "If the answers to those questions are 'yes', then I think it's pretty obvious who your choice is as to who you want to endorse. However, if your answer to any of those questions are 'no', if you want a true democratic region that elects its delegate, chooses how he or she votes in the WA, chooses its own system of laws, and respects all citizens within it, then I could suggest another choice that you'd have. There is a nation that would be a quick ticket to those things. That nation is Brutland and Norden. If you want to see The South Pacific free from dictators and daily bannings, I would suggest you remove your endorsement from Milograd and endorse Brutland and Norden."

This announcement comes after the indoctrination of a constitution passed by the Communist regime in The South Pacific. Its passage came without consent of the South Pacific populace, much to the dismay of the weird fox guy thing McCloud who called it "a fresh wound on the face of democracy" or something like that. While the outspoken delegate has been a critic of the current regime, he did admit off-camera that such changes were "necessary from time to time in a region" and "in the long run this wake-up call should be a benefit more than a burden" should the region recover, citing past examples from The East Pacific and The South Pacific as proof.

This followed his week report of things in The East Pacific, in which he addressed the region with, "keep up the good work, doods." There was more discussed, of course, but the report was mostly boring jargon about the government the state of region in general.

[Antariel]

Outstanding

[Todd McCloud]

"I got this suit from Goodwill."

NS Fashion Trends for 2013

In the middle of a magazine shoot: The latest reports from the fashion industry are in: suits and ponchos are in, while monocles and anything that resembles current pop stars are most definitely out. This conclusion was arrived at after a meeting of famous fashion designers whose names are often too difficult to pronounce or write in an article from across NS. After all, the harder it is to pronounce their name, the better at fashion they become.

"We've come a long way from 2012 trends," Q'ex (pronounced Ka-shwecks for those who are not nearly as cultured as the fashion designer is). "Last year was a disaster. Ties? Who wears ties anymore? Who I ask, who? This year is tie-less! The image of the tame man is out the window! This year has been formed by coups and insane pacific delegates and statesmen. This choice was easy because the culture already spoke to me. It literally designed itself."

Local guy with a hair condition Todd McCloud took his turn on the catwalk. "Please don't talk, just walk," ;-; (pronounced "hmmm" in a slanting high-tone) told the delegate, whose dark circles under his eyes gave the impression of hard work. "It's just facepaint - this guy clearly has not worked a day in his life. Dark circles are in this year too. We think this might be a transition into a raccoon eye trend, but we're not sure."

"I would also like to stress that pop star trends are most definitely out," ;_; (;-;'s brother, which is pronounced as a three hand claps) told reporters. "For instance, could you imagine what Max Barry would look like with a Justin Bieber haircut? Why, our photoshop techs think it'd look something like..."

THIS JUST IN: potential picture of Max Barry with a Justin Beiber haircut in next issue!

"No! It must be destroyed!" McCloud said as he ripped the monitor off the desktop, severing the cable that connects it to the tower. Unbeknownst to the delegate but knownst to us, this did not result in the removal of the image from the tech's computer.

Will the image ever surface? Time will tell, but the Free Press will be on it.

[Todd McCloud]

"JUST in time for the next PPV!"

Main Event Announced for NSWE PPV

Via a cable channel aired across most NS regions: The NationStates Wresting Entertainment has done it again. What exactly have they done? The creative team had been developing a small feud between The South Pacific and The Pacific for quite some time now. But today, they're finally starting to see their fruits of their labor (unless you don't believe wrestling is fake. In which case, wow, what a battle!).

It all started when notable heavyweight Milograd stunned NSWE audiences by announcing that he was severing ties with the well-known and established South Pacific Stable. Forums and tweeter pages were all abuzz. Fans, who apparently have nothing else better to do, started writing blogs and posting youtube videos. Kids began sending their NSWE Wrestling Buddy Milograd plushes to thrift stores, while grown men bought them up and hoped to sell them on craigslist years later. The next week featured backstage destruction brought on by Milograd and a some of the developmental talent that had just started getting into the gameplay circuit. While The South Pacific Stable spent time recovering from the attacks, Milograd's group flexed their muscle, but of course, the old stable re-gained their focus and made sure the good guys won just in time for the last pay-per-view (PPV). After all, it's a kid's brand now, and we gotta make sure we sell the merchandise, so the good guys gotta win.

This put NSWE CEO, Max Barry, in a quandary. With the Milograd v. TSP fued ending quickly, the next PPV's card was blank. He needed to brew up some more conflicts in time for the next PPV, where the real money is made. Max and the rest of the NSWE creative team literally pulled one out of left field when The Pacific's Stable announced Milograd was joining their ranks. Not surprisingly, TSP ended their longstanding alliance with TP, and the gloves literally came off when Max tried to meet with notable heavyweights Hileville and Krulltopia.

Why they always try to do these fight contract storylines in a ring a week before the event never ceases to amaze the editors at the Free Press News Service. Anyway, the result was a signed contract, one flipped table, and a whole lot of slaps, squirrel punches, and armbars. Someone tossed a steel chair into the ring, Hileville dropped the chair in order to continue his assault of punches for some reason.

This prompted Max to include a special guest referee, Todd McCloud, because why not. The storyline was then expanded further to include The West Pacific, another stable that had more or less supported Milograd's trail of destruction as he departed TSP.

"You know me," Todd said as he worked the mic while walking down the ramp into the ring. "I'll probably pick someone to do a fast three count, and another one to do a slow three count. Because the fans like referee controversy."

"I say we get this fight going right here, for the people of Lazarus to watch!" Hileville exclaimed (the location was of course Lazarus for the contract signing). Hileville, being a face, was cheered upon announcing this.

"No... no I want you to sit and think for a week or two in fear. In fear of the mother of all beatdowns!" Krulltopia retorted. Since Krull is a heel, people booed him. But heels and faces tend to change on a monthly basis - it all depends on who is getting a push and who isn't.

"Well whenever it happens, I'll be there to referee it!" Todd reminded. Todd is neither a heel or a face. No one really reacted to his unimportant interjection.

Tune in next week, when the feud between TSP and TWP heats up, and TSP and TP's feud continues! Will TSP look for some help? Will TWP join the fight? Will we have a 2-on-2 handicap match or a Triple Threat match? Will NS ever stop drawing comparisons to other ridiculous cultural phenomenons?

[PrussianEmpire]

How entertaining!

[The Grim Reaper]

My God Todd, the creative team's working full-time - what's FPN's take on Gatesville's new rivalry with TSP?

[Feux]

Go home Todd, you've won.

This really is very funny.

[Todd McCloud]

My God Todd, the creative team's working full-time - what's FPN's take on Gatesville's new rivalry with TSP?

Clearly this is gearing up to be a tag-team event.

[The Grim Reaper]

My God Todd, the creative team's working full-time - what's FPN's take on Gatesville's new rivalry with TSP?

Clearly this is gearing up to be a tag-team event.

Quite.

I'll be seeking to sell event-specific memorabilia, because this will be the sporting event of the year.

[PrussianEmpire]

Clearly this is gearing up to be a tag-team event.

Quite.

I'll be seeking to sell event-specific memorabilia, because this will be the sporting event of the year.

I'll gladly buy some.

EDIT: Shall I post my debit card number here on the forum?

[Hileville]

Quite.

I'll be seeking to sell event-specific memorabilia, because this will be the sporting event of the year.

I'll gladly buy some.

EDIT: Shall I post my debit card number here on the forum?

Of course.

[Nevadar]

Just don't forget my cut. 15% seems pretty fair.

[The Grim Reaper]

Quite.

I'll be seeking to sell event-specific memorabilia, because this will be the sporting event of the year.

I'll gladly buy some.

EDIT: Shall I post my debit card number here on the forum?

No, we don't take money.

Leaves us open to royalty claims *glares at Nev*.

Property, or your soul, thanks.