FOX NEWS: Nationstates

[OBAMA BORN IN KENYA]

BREAKING NEWS: ALLMIGHTY JESUS WHALE -- INELIGIBLE TO BE PHARAOH?

Fox News investigators deployed to Hawaii have uncovered The Allmighty Jesus Whale's birth certificate, and you won't believe what we've learned. More to come after this commercial break.

[OBAMA BORN IN KENYA]

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BUY GOLD NOW!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1HrVdLmkhk

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[OBAMA BORN IN KENYA]

BREAKING NEWS: AJW's campaign manager assaults New Kervoskia

Fox News has obtained exclusive video of AJW's campaign manager, the ironically-named Benevolent Thomas, assaulting long time Osiris patriot and reporter, New Kervoskia. In the video, Benevolent Thomas gives New Kervoskia's arm a moderately forceful tug, lasting for about 0.5 seconds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGz5DPqU-p0

New Kervoskia, meanwhile, has filed charges against Benevolent Thomas and has stated her intention to appear on as many news programs as possible while wearing revealing tops and clocking in at about 5-10 pounds overweight.



FOX NEWS INSTAPOLL: On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate New Kervoskia's hotness? Twitter your responses to @FoxNewsNS and we'll publish the results later tonight.

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Meanwhile, controversy swirls over Cormac's invocation of a long-overlooked election rule allowing the delegate to cancel elections. AJW continues to rack up votes in states like New York and Florida, but Cormac has masterfully crafted meaningful relationships with the regional political establishment, allowing him to work with delegate Tim Priebus (nee Stark) to cancel elections.

FNC reporter and all around shill Megyn Kelly caught up with Tim Priebus shortly after the election was declared in New York:



Kelly: "What do you have to say to AJW supporters who quite frankly feel disenfranchised by your actions tonight?"

Tim Priebus: "Election process known for a year and beyond. It's the responsibility of the campaigns to understand it. Complaints now? Give us all a break."

Kelly: "Fair enough. Rules are rules, after all. Evidently I, along with virtually everyone else in the media, lack any capacity whatsoever to question the legitimacy critical election rules and bylaws. I'd toss you a few more softball questions, but I have to hurry back to Roger Ailes' house to resume bleeding out of my wherever."

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More on AJW's birth certificate coming up maybe...

[OBAMA BORN IN KENYA]

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Hey you! Take out a huge loan from your friendly local banking conglomerate and use your house and only place of refuge as collateral! Here's a reverse mortgage commercial from Fred Thompson, who is now dead yet continues serve as a re-assuring, sagely voice for millions of naive and financially illiterate senior citizens everywhere.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5Bw3gB7o9E

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[OBAMA BORN IN KENYA]

JESUS WHALE APPOINTS CARLY FIORINA AS VICE DELEGATE

In a move described by many as "desperate", Almighty Jesus Whale has appointed former Hewlett-Packard CEO and California Senatorial candidate Carly Fiorina to serve in his administration as Vice Delegate. After losing the delegate contest to Cormac, Mr. Whale and his campaign team have sought to redefine the media narrative. Last week, Whale was seen eating his own booger in a live television debate against Cormac. This week, he seeks to continue his campaign success by appointing a failed CEO of a failing company to a position he has no practical control over whatsoever.


Whale, seen here, with a booger on his top right lip.

Our very own Sean Hannity was unable to reach Whale or Fiorina, but Cormac and his wife Biyah agreed to sit down with Sean for a HANNITY EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW!:

HANNITY: Mr Cormac, good to have you. What do you make of Almighty Jesus Whale's Vice Delegate pick, Carly Fiorina?

CORMAC: Look Sean, we have to make Osiris great again. We're losing jobs to Balder, to Lazarus, everywhere. Fenda scum continue to pour across our border. We'll build a wall, and we'll make the Rejected Realms pay for it. Carly -- we'll call her Crazy Carly -- is part of the same corrupt system! She relocated thousands of Hewlett Packard jobs to Lazarus and has been importing HP laptops back into Osiris tax free! We can't have it. We just can't have it.



HANNITY: WOW, simply amazing. Biyah, last week Almighty Jesus Whale pornspammed the Osiris forum* with pictures of your recent nude photoshoot with GQ magazine. Do you care to comment?

*EDITOR'S NOTE: AJW didn't actually pornspam the Osiris forum

BIYAH: I would like to point out that I am much better looking than AJW's wife, Heidi Whale.

CORMAC: LOL Heidi Whale is so ugly! Check it out, seriously!



CORMAC: And as for Carly Fiorina, who would vote for that face? As for me, you know, it doesn’t really matter what the media write about me as long as I've got a young and beautiful woman like Biyah.

BIYAH: Such a sweety

HANNITY: Hot wife or not, I'll continue to slobber all ove ryou and your campaign on my prime time Fox News program on a nightly basis.

CORMAC: Thanks Sean.

HANNITY: Thanks for joining us tonight, Corm and Biyah. Up next, is the FBI about to disclose new evidence proving that North East Somerset had prior knowledge of the terrorist attacks against the Balderian embassy in BENGHAZI?!

[Klaus Devestatorie]

Can we please just delete Osiris entirely, in the name of the cultural integrity of the game

[OBAMA BORN IN KENYA]

i'll write about other regions when worthwhile stuff begins to happen in places other than osiris

[Farnhamia]

i'll write about other regions when worthwhile stuff begins to happen in places other than osiris

No, I don't think so.